yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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