I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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