My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
