no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
