I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
