before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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