he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
