There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is Oprah even human
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
