Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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