just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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