The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
