some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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