I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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