Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
