margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
