I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
