actually, I'm a sock model
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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