we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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