In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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