dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my vag is so smooth its legendary
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
