you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
