there was a trapeze. enough said
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
