She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
