I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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