I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
