so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize