Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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