ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
