Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
