That's when you crack a 10am beer
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
