where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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