New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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