i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
