what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
