i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
