gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
