Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He has the fingertips of a God
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