Your face is a jimmy john
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
