i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
