R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
