One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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