it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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