If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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