I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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