just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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