I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
