I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
