I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
