When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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