No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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