im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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