So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
