Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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