started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
