My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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