I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
