The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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