you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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