nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize