I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize