i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
