i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
