My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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