what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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