Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
