he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
