Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
