Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
